Today was DJ's funeral; some of us from Margarita's went up to be there for Joanna. We ran into a snow storm on the way, and definitely got lost following some indirect directions from the locals, but we made it in time to give Joanna a big hug and share some tears before the service began.
On a day like today my heart is so full; I thought maybe if I tried to write it down maybe some clarity would shine through for me, but there don't seem to be words that describe the grief that is all too common - a rite, actually- in this human world. There were pictures of DJ as a baby, a boy, a teenager, and a soldier. How did his mother reconcile the photograph of her baby boy taken minutes after he was born with the casket being wheeled down the aisle of a church by soldiers, men she had probably never seen before today? How does Joanna find the strength to begin to rebuild her life,without her lover and best friend?
And why does it all selfishly make me think of my children and what our future holds?
The governor was there, as well as hundreds of other people,and I'm so thankful for Joanna's sake that DJ"s death was mourned by so many.
God bless.

Every night when I am lucky enough to put the boys to bed, as I climb up on the top bunk to tuck Gabe in, say our prayers, and then do the "Kiss, hug, squeeze, shake hands, sack of potato routine" I am struck by this thought - I am so very thankful that as I lay my children down for the night, they are clean and happy and dry and their tummies are full and they have warm soft beds to sleep in. This always hits me just as I reach the top rung of the ladder and flop down next to Gabe, and the feeling is so overwhelming I feel like my whole body is just saying "Thank You." During those moments I am never able to think beyond the gratitude, although many other times as I reflect I begin to think of all the other mothers in the world that love their children as much as I love all of mine (is it possible? Yes - it's what makes motherhood so sacred) and why not all of them have warm soft safe places to lay their babies. And the only conclusion I reach is that while life on earth is not perfect, in heaven it will be, but in the mean time I must remember those mothers and babies and do what I can for them, while teaching my children to love others so they might also bring comfort. At which point I feel so proud of Jacob for taking a trip down to Mexico, not just to travel and grow and enjoy, but to hold and love and teach the little ones there. Tonight I am so very thankful that at the end of the day, when the dishes are done (for the moment) and the house is quiet, I can momentarily see past the tiny issues that make up each day in order to see what God is doing and has done for my family.

At times I wonder how we will ever survive Gabe hitting the age of 12, because he is already SO aware of the difference between girls and boys; it's strange because Zach doesn't seem to realize there's any such thing as modesty, embarrassment, et cetera. "Mom, look!" Gabe said as we stretched (or in my case, TRIED to stretch) along with Kathy Smith. "Your boobies are getting bigger! But don't worry, I won't touch them." It's almost too much for me to hear - and it brings along a sense of foreboding about his teenage years.

Gabe and I just did my yoga dvd together; I've been wanting to start doing it in the mornings because it is a nice short 20 minute stretch out, and that would be such a great way to start my day - even before coffee! Gabe kept saying "This is great!" and was really cute doing all the stretches with me. And it was! I was thinking I should do it at night after I get home from work, too.

A couple nights ago, Jake, Katy and I sat down to figure out the "LOST" game that I bought over a year ago; it had yet to make it's debut into our repertoire of family games, mainly because the fifteen pages of directions don't lend themselves to a relaxing evening. After about three minutes we opted to play "Chutes and Ladders" instead. As usual, I was managing to lose every game, and then we realized that our cats really wanted to play. So being the equal opportunity type of family that we are, we allowed Phoebe and Dimitri to join in on game night. Quickly, the cats took the lead, and in no time at all, actually won the game! We have photo documentation to prove it.
As I write this John is in the boys room hanging up some blinds. They have curtains but the other night I was putting them to bed and Zach began the infamous summer diatribe: "It's still daytime" "It's not dark" "I need to get up" blah blah blah. Well, NO MORE! Of course, John + hanging blinds does not a relaxing afternoon make, but in the end I'm sure even he will agree that it was worth it.
Zach just informed me that he is a hot dog, and would like me to eat him. Gotta go!

A little while ago I called into work, and found out that one of the soldiers that died in Iraq on Saturday was Joanna's boyfriend, DJ.
What do you say or think when you find out that one of your friends will be seeing the love of her life for the last time , in a casket? Just last week we were giggling together over Joanna's "webcam date" with DJ - it was the first time she'd seen him since he was deployed, and she said it was great. They were planning to have a date every week, now that DJ had a camera.
Joanna, I am so very sorry. Your heart is broken and the earth keeps spinning, although your world has stopped.

Easter has come and gone - it was really a wonderful celebration this year, although I really missed having John with us. Our family get together was on Saturday, and we got to meet Josh, Jennie's boyfriend! He is so nice, cute, polite, and apparently lots of other wonderful things that we don't know from meeting him, but have heard from Jennie. Katy told me after Jennie and Josh left that while they were all sitting on the couch eating, she was trying to give Josh an open door in order for him to propose to Jennie - right there in the Taylor living room. And she just couldn't figure out why he didn't jump at the chance! Well, Katy, I have a feeling that soon enough, he will!
We did make it to the Sunrise Service - both Jake and Katy really wanted to go, so I figured we may as well. The little boys thought it was very COLD, but also very cool to see the sun come up over the trees, and although they kept stepping on the blankets I insisted on them bundling up in, they really enjoyed the whole experience. (Apparently they don't remember going last year - while I remember it all too well, and almost chose not to attend this year for an encore performance.)
Katy sang a song in Sign Language, and Jacob had a monologue during the regular service, both of which were amazing and I have captured on video. Maybe I can figure out how to download them.
It has actually been a really fun week, socially - I did TWO things! Firstly, Mom and Dad invited me to go see The Celtic Women with them on Friday at the Verizon. I loved it ~ I don't even know what to say except, it was the Celtic Women! It was awesome.
And then last night, John and I saw "Casablanca" on the big screen at the indy theater. Could not have come up with a better date if I tried. Of course, we got home and had to deal with poor Jake and some stuff that is going on with their mom, and then before we made it to bed, Zach was up, so I had to get him back to sleep. Needless to say, the trip to Victoria's Secret earlier yesterday hasn't paid off. YET.

The term "Potty Talk" has taken on a whole new meaning since the boys turned four and five. Suddenly, they became aware that certain words are not polite, and they were so thrilled and fascinated by this that I had to create a new rule to contain their enthusiasm. Potty talk is only allowed in their bedroom. To ban it altogether would take me to new heights of monitoring, and days like today, when I am driving people back and forth to school, hitting three grocery stores, buying Easter outfits, taking Jake to karate, and then working - well, it's just kinda nice to say, "Hey! Take those words into your room, please."
And so, as I put away groceries faster than a speeding bullet, I hear these kind of things being hollered behind closed doors:
"Welcome to my butt!"
"Ahoy, the Underwear!"
"Snug as a bug in a Poop!"

Before this St. Patty's Day I never really thought about the fact that my kids are all Irish. Weird.
Today while we were hanging out in the living room during the after school chaos, Gabe announced that he wanted to play "Fudge Buggy." Most assuredly, I was stumped. After making him repeat himself about ten times, I realized that what he actually wanted to play was "Punch Buggy", which is a game Katy and I always play, and also rather hard to do from the living room couch.
Katy and Jake are at their usual Wednesday night Bible Studies, and John is at Celebrate Recovery, so I am trying to get up the courage to fold about four loads of laundry (leftovers from the Great Dryer Fiasco of '08). My plan is to stay dressed, all the way down to my shoes, and put on "Dan in Real Life" in the living room, only leaving the room when all the laundry is folded and safely in it's assigned basket.
I totally made the curtain for the entryway door; it only took me about two and a half hours to sew a hem on each end, what with trying to wind the bobbin AND thread the needle. In the end, I have a very cute, ivory eyelet curtain, and my front door looks pretty.
Today I also got to see Aunt Heidi which was really nice. I hope she can hang out sometime - I think we'd have a lot of fun.

We've been busy for the last few days - Saturday was the church potluck, and Sunday we had church and then I had a lounge shift at work. Zachy is developing a cough again, probably catching what I've had lately, so I gave him a neb treatment to start warding off the bug.
He is struggling with pronoun/gender identity lately - he calls Laurie "Mr. Russell" which is really cute. "Hi, Mr. Russell!" he'll call out when he sees her. On Saturday Laurie's husband was at the potluck (the REAL Mr. Russell) and Zachy said, "Oh, hi, Sir." I pointed out that it was Mr. Russell. "No, " Zach answered. "That's not Mr. Russell. That's a MAN." With time, I'm sure it will come.
You know, Zach really is in his own little world. He keeps doing this thing where he goes potty but won't put his pants back on. I guess he figures, Hey, it doesn't bother ME, why should I? And, true to form, at the church Saturday night I was slurping down some soup when someone whispered from the next table, "Your son's coming down the hall, and he HAS NO PANTS ON." Honestly. I was just thankful he was still wearing underpants!
After the potluck on Saturday I got the boys into bed and straightened up around the house, then got myself to bed to rest and try to kick this headcold. (I also wanted to finish season 8 of ER, because I have had it forever but in every episode I end up crying, sure that one of the kids is going to die in a fatal accident. It got so bad I had to stop watching it for awhile.) So around eleven, I was laying in bed, Dr. Greene was about to die, and in troops John, with Jake and Katy right behind him. "Look at Jake!" John practically yells. "Huh?" I turned my tearstained face to the rest of my family, half asleep but fully embarrassed. I hadn't been excpecting the whole gang at this point in the evening. Unfortunately, Katy had just spent quite some time straightening Jake's hair and they all wanted me to check it out. Through the tears I could kind of tell there was something different, and I tried to cover up the fact that I had no idea what I was supposed to see. Needless to say, my under-enthusiasm was met with even less enthusiasm on everyone elses part. (Later I tried to explain to Jake, "If you were in bed and it was almost midnight and I came popping into your room asking for your opinion on my hair, you'd be a little speechless, too.")
Katy was home sick yesterday, but is back at school now. Jake has met with his EBC youth leaders twice now; they are really taking the extra time to help him debrief from his trip.
And the big projects for today are cleaning off the back porch to get ready for spring (done!) and sewing a curtain for the front door.
Tamara sent me pics from our trip, which is fun. We want to go back next spring, but with the whole family. I love her.

Saturday morning, so I'm still in my pjs. For some reason it is snowing again, so the house seems dark and sleepy. The boys are playing explorer, flying around the world but mostly landing on a big rock, from which they claim to see all of America. Occassionally I try to push the airplane/flying routine - not that I really see a need, because with a grandfather, great-grandfather, and a great uncle (spanning both sides of the family tree) that are and/or were pilots for their entire adult careers, I figure at least one of the boys is a shoe-in for the next generation of aviators in our family. (Plus,Jake owns a pair of aviators.) A small piece of me worries that Gabe will still be trying to fly a car made out of a boat, but whatever.

One thing about motherhood that always amazes me is how I can wake up feeling hungover - without even sipping alcohol the night before. Last night I had to work and got home around midnight, right about the time Zachy was getting up to make sure I was back. So I hopped into bed with soaking wet hair, hoping he'd fall quickly back to sleep. (SIde note - this is one of the worst habits I have developed: Zach coming into our bed. We need to break the cycle,but are always too tired and it just seems so nice to be able to actually go to sleep that I forget to care that John, and not Zach, should be in the bed. I know. People are horrified when they hear about this.)
Since it was already morning when I went to sleep, the morning came quickly! We dropped Katy off at school and shot over to Hannaford's for milk and salad fixings for tomorrow's church potluck. At home I did my "morning routine" and then prepared to make break pudding, which the whole time I've been sick I've been craving. We didn't have enough eggs. What to do? I decided to do what any normal, overtired, sick Mommy would do - decided we should walk down to the co-op to buy some eggs. Honestly, it's a pretty nice day out, so I figured that a good two hour hike down to Main Street and back would keep us out of mischief, keep the television off for awhile, and get out some of their limitless energy. And it worked! We had a great time walking down, holding hands and sometimes pretending we were on a bear hunt. At the co-op we bought eggs, dishsoap and one of their favorite snacks - "pirate food." Now, a trip like this is never complete without one of those "oh-my-goodness! That did NOT just come out of your mouth" moments, so of course Gabe was kind enough to provide me with one. After passing "Mommy's work" we took a right onto Main St. and Gabe starting walking kind of funny. Then suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks and started pulling at the back of his pants. "My pants are too close to my bottom, " he said. Well, no problem. I discreetly tugged at his wedgie, and kept walking. But he did not. I turned around to see him doubled over, little blue sweatpant covered bottom straight in the air. He was not moving. "Mom," he called, " my bottom is itchy. Can you get it?"

So my idea for this is to kind of jot down our life, in snippets, which is what I am assuming a blog is. Here we go:
This week something happened that made me want to start writing things down again ~ I realized how clever my children are, and how quickly they are changing and growing up. Jacob and Katy are both in the phase of teenagerhood that involves hating being at home - if friends are not involved, life simply isn't worth living. And the funny thing is, I remember that feeling. It seems like just yesterday I was laying across my yellow canopy bed, staring at the wall, wondering why I had to be the lucky one who ended up as ME. Probably some plans had fallen through, or a boy hadn't called, or my braces hurt, or something - and life was over. And now I am the parent, and my kids have no idea how much I really do understand. In four years Jacob and Katy will both have graduated; how dare I take a minute of this for granted. (Which is why, for days now, I have been reading Proverbs 31- it has to sink in at some point, and I want those kids to be blessed by me somehow. ) The main things I keep coming back with don't seem very spiritual - feed them, keep them warm, look out for them, and of course, honor their father. Hmmm. How is this turning into a blog about my weakness as a mother and wife? New subject.

OK, the other thing that I thought was clever was that Zach realized that the bottom of the freezer has a sheet of ice that would be perfect for ... ice skating! Once I shot that idea down, he ran to get the wooden Polar Express train, to simulate the scene from the movie that has the train sliding across the ice. It was definitely a better idea, but, again, I told him he had to stop playing in the freezer. So he ran into his room and returned to the kitchen with a blanket from his bed. Which he threw over my head, crying, "Now you'll never way 'NO!' again!" He is so smart.

While I was sick earlier this week, John had to run every one hither and yon, and finally got fed up with Rowdy.
A little history on Rowdy - he is a wonderful dog and what I am about to impart makes me feel like a complete social reject. We have been trying to find him a nice home because we just do not have the time or emotional resources to deal with the dog he has become - lately he has a vendetta towards us, and has started pooping at will, just to make life difficult. (By the way, that is a very good strategy - it absolutely worked.) While we were in Michigan we thought we had found a home for him, but apparently the family had another dog that sparked very amorous thoughts in Rowdy. Rowdy kept at the poor thing for four longs days, and the minute we were back in town, Rowdy was back, too.
Well, John had had enough, so while I was in a coma on our bed, he announced he was taking Rowdy to the SPCA and off he went. The next thing I know, the phone is ringing, and I am scrabmling around looking for my AAA card. John is on the other end of the line, explicitly detailing the abrupt turn he took into a snow bank when he had realized Rowdy was squatting and ready to unleash his secret weapon. The driver's side door was wedged into a snowbank, with only enough room for Rowdy to escape. Which he did. In the end we were out forty bucks for the towing company,and one very sneaky little hound dog. In all honestly, I feel terrible and John keeps consoling me with the fact that he was right down the road from the SPCA and Rowdy is probably fine.

so I think I can blog

Recently I had typed up about three pages of anecdotes, silly little blurbs of our daily life. Like the time Zachy found the fox droppings at Grandpa's and thought they were magic beans. Or when Jake found out he was grounded from the computer for a week, and replied, "OK. Can I go check my email?" Katy typing up a school paper about her family, and ratting us out on our horrible record with pets: "Jake's gecko actually killed itself." But I had three pages - not three lines- and now it is all gone. Which is why I hate computers. Which is why Steph says I need to blog. We shall see.

Seriously, I have no idea

Ok, I have no idea how to use a blog or put photos up or anything, but having seen how useful it is for keeping people up - to - date , I would like to try this thing. Let's see if I can figure out how to put a picture on here. Later!